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Ladies, Let’s Talk About Your Future Husband Lists

Okay Christian single ladies, let’s talk about your future husband lists…… It’s a sweet idea isn’t it? You write a list of all of the qualities and expectations that you have for a future husband so that when you meet a guy, you can start comparing him to your checklist and see how well he matches up with your expectations. Well guess what!! I’m not really here to talk about a future husband checklist and everything that should be on it. So was that a click-bait title? Well, maybe just a little bit. I don’t actually want to talk about your future husband checklist. Trust me, I’ve heard it all. He has to be over 6 foot and handsome. He must have a life plan that lines up with yours. (because it would be pretty awful if you changed your life plan to follow your husband’s) He needs to be studying to be a pastor or full-time evangelist. He has to have an amazing job and a great paycheck. He has to have a perfect relationship with his parents and the entire family. He must have everything figured out and be perfectly in control. He must sing to me. He must treat me like a princess. He must play with my hair and tease me and make me laugh.

Every girl has different dreams and expectations, but overall it seems pretty similar……. He must, he must, he must, he must. For me, for me, for me, for me.

Ladies, Let's Talk About Your Future Husband Lists - A Sweet N Simple Life Blog #asweetnsimplelife #relationships #christiandating #inspirational #christianlife

It’s a pretty well-known fact that about 90% of Christian single girls have a future husband list. Or two. Or maybe three. Over and over and over again, I’ve heard from so many Christian singles who have checklists of everything that their future husband needs to be. But if you are one of the 90% of Christian young ladies who have lists like that, I have a question for you…….

What’s on your list? Yes, your future wife list. The one for YOU. What are all of the qualities and characteristics that YOU need before you can be someone’s future wife? Instead of thinking about all of the ways he needs to be perfect for YOU, start focusing on how you can be perfect for HIM.

If you are expecting him to be working hard all day, what are you going to be doing when he’s gone? I sure hope that you are working just as hard! There are far too many women in this world who are using stay-at-home wife/mother as an easy way out. If you are expecting him to come home and hand you a paycheck, what is he going to be coming home to? Is he going to walk into a clean home with a good supper on the table and a smiling wife? Or is he going to come home to a wife sitting on the couch and nagging him about all of his shortcomings?

Yes, I understand the reasoning behind these “future husband” lists that everyone is making. Trust me, I have some pretty high standards. But can I be honest here? I’ve never once written a future husband list. And no, I’m not ever planning on it. There, I said it. I don’t have a list describing everything that my future husband must be. But you know what I do have? A future wife list. Yes, a list for myself. Actually, I shouldn’t even call it a list. It’s pages upon pages upon pages.

Ladies, it’s time to raise your standards high for YOU. It’s time to stop thinking about everything that your dream husband needs to be for you, and start thinking about everything you can be for him. What skills are you working to build today? What about the most important part, CHARACTER. How are you working on building good, strong, godly character in your life? Are you even trying? Or have you been too focused on the character that your future husband needs to have.

The truth is, the life you’re living now, is the life you’re going to be living after marriage. Stop saying that you will do better when you get married. Stop making excuses for the way you are living your life now, and thinking that everything will change for the better when you’re a wife. Your life does not “begin” when your last name changes. Your life is now! Live in the moment. Wherever you are in your life, be all there!

Your character is not going to magically change just because you have a ring on your finger. You’re not going to wake up one day with good, strong character. You’re not magically going to become submissive and loving. You’re not going to suddenly acquire a servant’s heart. You’re not suddenly going to love cooking 3 meals a day, scrubbing floors, changing diapers, paying bills, and filing taxes. Having strong character is what will keep you going through those difficult times.

If you are a complainer now, you’re not suddenly going to be counting all your blessings after marriage.

If you are bad with your money now, you’re not going to be wise with money after marriage.

If you are lazy now, you’re not going to be hardworking and determined after marriage.

If you are unkind and short-tempered now, you’re not going to be kind and patient after marriage.

If you are selfish now, you’re not going to be giving and selfless after marriage.

If you are disrespectful and controlling now, you are not going to be respectful and submissive after marriage.

If you hold grudges and become bitter now, you’re not going to be quick to forgive after marriage.

Take a step back and do a thorough investigation of your life. What things need to be changed and improved upon?

Ladies, when God brings along the man for you, he’s not going to be perfect. And that’s okay, because you’re nowhere near perfect either!

Yes, maybe he will be tall, dark, and handsome. Maybe he will be the sweetest Christian guy you have ever met. Maybe he will be everything that you ever prayed for. Maybe he will make you feel like the luckiest girl on the face of the earth. Hey, maybe he will even play with your hair. But no matter what, he’s not going to be perfect. There will be struggles and he will make mistakes. And that’s okay! Believe it or not, he’s human too, just like you. Let’s stop worrying about perfect future husbands, and instead, focus on becoming the virtuous Christian women that God wants us to be!

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. – Proverbs 31:10,11,12

So now I want to hear from YOU! Have you ever written a future husband list? How about a future wife list? If not, are you going to? How are you working to build character in your life today? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments down below!

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12 thoughts on “Ladies, Let’s Talk About Your Future Husband Lists”

  • This is an excellent take on this. I was not aware there was such thing as a “Future Husband List” but none the less, it seems like all the focus is on the other spouse, however, what can we provide to them? Not simply them to us. Thanks!

  • This was a very interesting and helpful perspective! I actually made both lists. I got married very young (18) which wasn’t my original “plan”. I wrote a future husband list at age 17 at a church activity and never dreamed I’d be married so soon after. But because I had a very clear picture of the kind of man I wanted to marry, I recognized those qualities in my husband almost immediately after meeting him. So I think considering the kind of person you want to marry is important.

    However, I think all of your points are totally right that you don’t suddenly change when you get married! Thanks for the reminder to pull out my “wife list” and consider how I can improve!

  • I truly love your perspective on this! It is so true – nobody in a marriage will be perfect but we need to give due diligence to what kind of spouse we want to be before we even start to worry about what we expect from the one we marry!

  • OH, I love this! Yes, Yes, Yes! Be what you need to be! I was a little nervous to read what you wrote! Your click bait worked 😉 I never made a list… but had friends who did. Being teachable, I think, was the biggest character trait I was looking for. I think my favorite book on this topic is The Excellent Wife. It has been YEARS since I have read it, but I remember it being very good for me. I think there is one chapter you skip if you are not yet married, but it really lays out the wive’s responsibilities and responses.

  • My favorite is when you say, “if you’re a complainer now, you won’t suddenly be grateful after marriage.” I think people feel like marriage will dove all of their problems or finally make them happy but that isn’t the case!

    • YES! It seems that after awhile, marriage tends to bring out the worst in people, which is why having strong character is SO important! It definitely won’t solve all of your problems ☺

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