Hello Ladies! Thanks for stopping by! I was going to say ‘grab your favorite warm drink and settle in’ but it’s August and so hot outside I feel like I can’t breathe….. So on second thought, grab some iced coffee or lemonade and join me for a good ole’ heart-to-heart chat!
I have to say, Character Building is probably my favorite thing in the world to write about, discuss, and think about. There’s just something so inspiring about it! To think that we have all been given a life like a blank slate, with a million and one opportunities for growth and greatness is an amazing thought! Have you ever stopped and thought about how much potential you have? God didn’t create you to just stumble through your life, He wants us to be intentional, hard working, and doing our best to be growing into the person that we should be.
Today, we’re going to be talking about a few opportunities that we have as Christian women, to bless the ones that God has put into our life. This post will mainly be targeted to women who are in relationships, focused on being a blessing & encouragement to their man, but if that doesn’t apply to you, it’s okay, keep reading! These are good character building tips to keep in mind, no matter what stage of life you are in.
Whether you are single, in a relationship, dating, engaged, or married, I’m sure you have thought about this topic. Every single day, we, as women, are bombarded with a million and one different ideas of who we should be, how we should act, what we should say, etc. It shouldn’t surprise us that we also have so many influences telling us how he should act in our relationships.
Just go to any grocery store and take a look at the magazine headlines. “How to Make Him Crazy About You” “ How To Keep His Attention” “This Is What He REALLY Wants” and on and on we could go. But do any of those celebrity magazines hold the key to a long lasting relationship? Well, if we look at the majority of Hollywood, celebrity marriages (Or rather, the LACK there of) then no, following the hottest new diet fad doesn’t seem to be the solution for a happy marriage.
What actually defines a good, happy, lasting relationship? If we look around at the happy couples who have been together for decades and are still holding hands and kissing like newlyweds, we start to see that they all have several things in common. Today, we’re going to be looking at just a few of those things, and hopefully strengthening our relationships and building character along the way!
Choose Your Words Wisely
First things first. Ladies, I know that you have heard this many, many times….. your words are so extremely important! You may not fully understand the power of your words, but you really are either speaking life or death. In a matter of seconds, you can build someone up, or you can tear them down. You can encourage, or you can discourage. You can show love, or you can show hate. Learning to control your tongue is vital to having a good relationship!
Are you doing your best to use encouraging and uplifting words? Or are your words negative, degrading, and hurtful? Do you nag and complain? Are you constantly finding things in your life to murmur about? Are you quick to speak out of frustration? Do you open your mouth before thinking through the words you’re about to say? Learn to bite your tongue, rather then saying things you will end up needing to apologize for later.
Controlling the negative words is a great start to using our tongue wisely, but it shouldn’t stop there! Focus on speaking good. Learn how to encourage and uplift. Watch the people around you (in this case, your man) and find out what makes them feel loved and appreciated. I’m not speaking of flattery or deceit, just genuine appreciation and kindness. A wise woman doesn’t just control what comes out of her mouth. She is also intentional and does her best to speak life and love to the ones that God has given her.
Pray For Him
There’s a reason that praying for people is talked about so much. It’s extremely important! Believe it or not, praying for your man can make a huge difference in his life.
Get specific with your prayers! In my opinion, saying “Dear Lord, please help him with everything” doesn’t cut it. If you truly love and care for him, then I think it should show in the way that you pray for him! Maybe you’re not sure where to start when it comes to praying for him…. Here are a few basic ideas of what you should be praying for in his life:
- Wisdom & Discernment
- Strength & Health
- Work Ethic & Diligence
- Finances & Financial Decisions
- Purity & A Pure Heart
- Relationship With God
- Relationship With You
- Leadership Abilities
- Confidence in His Decisions
- Thankfulness & Joyfulness
You should be his biggest encouragement. Let me repeat myself, for the people in the back. You should be his biggest encouragement! Having a girlfriend/fiancé/wife shouldn’t be a burden. Don’t nag, don’t tear down, don’t be constantly complaining. Do your best to focus on encouraging him in as many ways as you possibly can!
Encourage his hopes, dreams, plans, and ideas. If he has an idea, he doesn’t need to hear about every possible thing that could ever go wrong with it. Constructive discussion is alright, but do it in the correct way with a meek spirit, and an encouraging attitude.
Talk to any man and I guarantee he will agree that having his wife’s support, love, and encouragement is one of the most amazing things in the world!
Have A Listening Ear & A Caring Heart
Ladies, you know this. The majority of men don’t like to talk as much as women do. That’s just a fact. If your man starts talking, let him. Don’t cut him off, interrupt, or treat him like he’s dumb. He should know that he can talk to you about anything in the entire world. He should be able trust you and confide in you. He should be able to give you his whole heart, knowing that you truly care about him, and the things that are important to him.
If he opens up and wants to talk about something, let him! I know that may sound ridiculous to say something so apparently obvious…. But when I say, “let him talk” I mean REALLY let him talk. You don’t need to be interrupting, discouraging, and giving your opinion on every little thing.
There’s something amazing about trust. It’s an amazing feeling to know that there’s someone there for you who has a listening ear, and really, truly cares for you. Be that person for him!
On a side note, don’t discuss with others, the things that your man tells you in confidence. Please. I hear way too many women speaking about their husband’s behind their back. Nothing good ever comes from it. If he’s trusting you, he’s trusting YOU. Don’t betray his confidence. Lost trust can be hard to get back, and rightly so!
Be Selfless & Humble
I strongly believe that the key to any good relationship, (be it family, friends, or romantic) is selflessness. Selfishness will never, ever, EVER help anything. If you go into a relationship, thinking about all of the ways that he is going to make YOU happy….. Well, I’m sorry, but that relationship probably isn’t going to last long. Your joy should come from serving others. And in this context, that means him!
The purpose of being in a relationship is NOT so that he can buy you things. It’s not so that you will have flowers on Valentine’s day. It’s not so that he can make you laugh until you can’t breathe. Yes, if you have a good relationship, you will most likely have those sweet things and thoughtful moments, but that’s not what the relationship should be focused on!
A good relationship is selfless & focused on blessing the other person
Along with selflessness, comes humbleness. Stay humble! If you make a mistake, don’t be afraid to make it right. You’re not perfect, so don’t try to act like it. Be willing to own up to your shortcomings. If you make a mistake, stop and make it right! Do your best to fix problems as soon they come up. Don’t let the little things build up into something big. And on that note, let’s move on to our next point…..
Stand By Him
I’m just going to come right out and say it. Relationships are hard work. Yes, they can (and should) be wonderful, but the reality is, things aren’t always going to be sunshine and roses 100% of the time! Even the best of relationships are going to have hard times. Crazy hard times. The reality of it is, struggles are either going to make you or break you. If you are in a relationship and haven’t had one of these moments yet, trust me, it’s coming.
The good news is, hard times don’t have to mean the end! Yes, sometimes ending a relationship may be the right thing to do, but don’t give up on everything, just because breaking up seems like the easier thing to do.
Eventually, there’s going to come a time in your relationship, where you’re going to have to decide to stand by him. If something crazy hasn’t happened yet, I guarantee you, it’s coming! Maybe you were the one who messed up, maybe he was the one who messed up. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter who was in the wrong. You have to BOTH be willing to offer forgiveness, fix the problem, and then move on. You have to be willing to say that no matter what, you’re going to do your very best to figure things out, and keep a good, strong relationship.
On a side note, if you feel like you need to end the relationship that you are in, go for it. The last thing you need, is to get married to someone that you never even should have been dating. Pay attention to red flags. Yes, forgiveness and grace is an amazing thing, but there is such a thing as deal breakers!
Offer Grace & Forgiveness
Learn how to talk and communicate about everything. It’s easy to say that you’re going to talk through your problems, when you don’t have any….. But when problems come, that is when it is put to the test. Are you actually going to figure things out? Are you going to be humble enough to admit your mistakes to each other? Will you be willing to offer grace and forgiveness? Are you willing to work for a good, strong relationship?
Since we’re talking to the ladies today, let’s just assume that it’s your man who has done something…. Well…. Not so smart. It could be anything. It could be something big, or it could be something small. When a situation like this arises, you are left with 2 choices. Will you get upset, bitter, and hold things against him? OR, will you choose to offer grace and forgiveness, and then move on?
Often, our natural instinct is to judge and think “how could you?” sometimes over even the smallest of things. But what if we took a moment to stop about all that we have been forgiven of? I’m not sure about you, but I am nowhere near perfect. Not at all! If God has offered grace and forgiveness to me so many countless times, why wouldn’t I also offer it to someone else? Forgiveness is such a beautiful thing. Be willing to give it in abundance!
A good, selfless relationship is one of the biggest blessings and most rewarding things in the entire world. It’s so worth the work! Be willing to work on your character and become the woman that you need to be. For God, and also for the husband, children, and family that He has given you!